The Radish Newsletter, Volume IX

This is Raesin Graepe from the Fruittoot Advertisemental Programme! Today we are visiting the world-famous muscleman, Dreggeg Eggnog. Dreggeg, whatcha gotta say?
Hallo, amigos! Me nam Dreggeg Eggnog. Nise 2 meat u. I hav probem wid gwamma and schpewwing so plez do not juj mii. Me say hi. O, sowwy, Raesynn….. So i need 2 till u somefink: Thewes gonna B a musslmann competyshun and evwey1 dinks i will wynn. will i or will i knot? dat is a byg byg probem. Well den, Raesynn, waddaya dink?
 
Oh, poor you, I have no IDEA. Next! Next up is the talking squid, 8374. How are you, 8374? What do you have to say? 8374 is a supreme marine biologist….
Koo234~ 77. alein778. cul 738493684y576336hfdje7rfus3r7udhwh37rfudxhy37r8rufh7e7384ruhd6784u57r8uje3y78ijnnx jdjehjfjfjhfdjjeejhkduieeiourewiukddiekeiodskdeweliiudu……….
 
Is there something wrong, 8374? Oh. Now it’s Weatherchannel12345 time!
Okay. Usula Alusu is going to predict the weather.
Helloooooooooooooohowareyoutoday?Iamsogood.theweatherisreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyre
allywindysoongothecoatsandsandandidioticschutff…
Er, thankyou. Now the Brigett quartuplets(Ara, Ira, Era, Ora, Ura, and Piggy) are going to sing to us their latest song, “The Glorious Morn.” Is everyone ready?
The glooooooooooooooooooorious moooooooooooooooorniiiiiiiiiiiiiing sooooooooooooooooo haaaaaaaappyyyyyyyyy daaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh glooooooooooooooooory theeeeeeeeeeeee moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorn!!!!
 
Hoooooooow haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapleeeeeeeeeeessssssss the niiiiiiiiiight is aaaaaaaas moooooooorning cooooooooooomes.. Ohhhhhhh oooooooone daaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy theeeeeeeee staaaaaaaars will be goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe! How wooooooooefuuuuuuuul thaaaaaat daaaaaaaaay will beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, no stars to shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine the niiiiiight throuuuuuuuuuuugh.. But one daaaaaaaaaaaaaaay the meeeeeeeeaaaaaaaning of the moooooooorn will coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooome!
 
So thankyou. Last part: my sister Cordelia Cocktail, call her CICI, is the finale. She will be reading us one of her latest poems. They’re the best! You’ll see…
The roses of VIENNA wooD are BlooMing so much I cAnnoT sEE…
VIENNA wooD is bRigHT and CleAR of nOOn’S hARsh gAze…
BUt Now the sUN sINK beyoND tHe hoRIZon of mAUve…
And sOOn it wiLL be nIghT…
 
See, what did I say? Best poet, eh? So now for MY part of the show before we say good bye. I shall dance the Shugamoon for you, eh? There’s a song, too. Listen and learn!
The Shugamooooooooon, the Shugamooooooon, 
the marvelous sourly Shugamoooooooooooon, how lively your bouuuuughs are!
Oh Shugamooooooooooon, Oh Shugamooooooooon,
Oh how your celandine- boughs shiiiiiiiiiiine!
 
Goodbye and thankyou for reading! Hopefully you’re still awake………
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